I forgot myself.
That makes no sense, does it? But it’s true. I forgot who I am, what I love, and what brings me joy. I’ve been so superficial just trying to make it through life. I’m great at masking even when life is a mess. I wear it well. For most of my adult life, I’ve been an actor in my own life story. It’s starting to wear on me.
I spoke about my struggles with depression and suicidal ideation. So much so, it started to become a crutch. Yes, I still deal with depression and it really guided most of my life decisions. Nothing made me happy. It didn’t matter how many books I read or how many workshops I attended. I just wasn’t happy. I couldn’t even identify a hobby. That’s when I knew I needed to change.
One thing I started to change was my mindset. I didn’t need to be hard all the time. I’m a self-proclaimed introvert, but it’s really fear of being rejected and the depression guiding those thoughts. I’ve been listening to podcasts and attending meaningful workshops (and actually putting into action what I’ve learned from the workshops). So changes are happening, but change is happening and that’s what’s most important.
But yesterday everything changed. I had been reluctant to attend a dance fitness class to participate in the Beyonce “Before I Let Go” challenge. I didn’t personally know anyone and that gave me so much anxiety. I invited a few people I knew and even shared it on Facebook hoping someone close to me would attend.
No one responded.
But you know? That was totally fine. I swallowed by pride and put on my workout clothes anyway. I went to the class and worked it out. I learned a new dance routine and gained some confidence back. The confidence I gained I lost from years of abuse, depression, and low self-esteem.
I write all of this to say don’t forget who you are. The part of you that is joyful, happy, and loving. We get so wrapped up in the busyness of life and trying to please others, that we lose our joy.
Growing up, I loved to dance. I wanted to be a backup dancer, but life had other plans. I forgot how amazing I am when I dance. Not quite a gazelle or ballerina, but your girl definitely has some moves.
Think like a queen. A queen if not afraid to fail. Failure is another stepping stone to greatness. – Oprah
Today’s advice: STOP!!!
Stop trying to please other people. Stop making excuses. Stop saying what’s impossible if you haven’t tried. Stop saying you can’t change. Stop saying you don’t have time or money.
Every day we wake up, we have a new opportunity to change, make new friends, and choose our joy.
So get up, get moving, and leave your excuses at the door!