**This is not a sponsored post of any podcast. This post is based on the opinions and experiences of the author.**
In 2020, while most of us were sheltering in place due to the pandemic, I remember having many discussions with my son about his school work. He’s my only child, and even though my partner has a son, it can be lonely since the little one doesn’t live with us full-time. My son struggled with getting assignments done. He was unmotivated, uninspired, and missing interactions with his friends. I’m very much introverted and enjoy my alone time, but even I was starting to get antsy. I remember one of our discussions when I asked him why he wasn’t turning in his homework assignments. He simply responded, “I just don’t want to.” I wanted to respond to let him know that he needed to get them done, but I also understood his frustrations. I didn’t want to do most of the things I had to do.
Most recently, I was listening to Jill Scott Presents: J.ill the Podcast on my way to work. (It’s a great podcast if you have a chance to listen.) One episode that struck me as the absolute truth was titled, “I DON’T FEEL LIKE IT”. I could relate on so many levels. I’m not a morning person and the draw to my bed gets stronger the colder it is outside. My brain correlates darkness to being home and resting. The struggle to drive early to commute to work after being home for a year is tough. There’s so much prepping that needs to happen. I’m still not used to leaving home after doing everything from home. So when I have to get up at 6 AM to start my morning routine to be at work by 8 AM, I DON’T FEEL LIKE IT.
Another recent life experience that shook up my life is my father passing. I went to the hospital after work one Friday, he passed that Sunday, I was off for a week, and then went back to work. My family had to deal with some drama so we couldn’t even mourn properly before I was back to work. Dealing with death and people tiptoeing around you because they know how to respond is very uncomfortable. Dealing with people who are entitled and don’t consider the feelings of others is exhausting. The drama was exhausting. Returning to work and people pretending like nothing happened was exhausting and is exhausting. Trying to find a new normal knowing a great person is no longer physically here to celebrate holidays, parties, weddings, and other events is tough. It’s a lot to deal with, so when certain people want to interact with me, I DON’T FEEL LIKE IT.
Let’s go back to this work-life situation. I love to eat, but I’m also trying to save money. Cooking meals and trying to decide on dinner ideas takes so much brain power. At this point, the emotional and mental obligations I have far outweigh the physical obligations. Y’all. It’s exhausting. I just want to eat. I dream of having a chef one day. I don’t mind cleaning, it’s the cooking that gets to me. Sometimes, I DEFINITELY DON’T FEEL LIKE IT.
I’ve been processing a lot of the things in my life and why I don’t feel like doing a lot. So much is expected of folks. I even took a break from social media because reading how rude people were to one another was overwhelming. As a sensitive person, I do have to protect my energy. Something I wish I had done long ago.
Over the last two months, I’ve taken notice of activities and people that have drained my energy or have given me energy. I’m working on finding balance. Removing myself has helped with some aspects of my energy, but life does seem rushed at times. Even trying to find motivation can be daunting. There are many days when I push through because if I don’t do it, I don’t know who will. I do pray for strength daily and also acknowledge the trauma of losing my brother and my father in one year. There were other losses of younger folks I knew, so that was also challenging.
Another thing I’ve considered is how motivation changes day to day. I always want to be on the go and sitting down can be hard. I think our society makes us believe that if we’re not doing something or we’re not busy, then we’re considered lazy. Rest is a thing. It’s important. I never realized how important it is. We don’t have to always be doing something. Sometimes doing nothing is doing something. We’re restoring ourselves, caring for ourselves, nurturing ourselves. I mean, even God rested. We’re not greater than God.
My personal mission now is to be my own motivation. If I’m being honest, it took me nearly four weeks to put my fingers to these keys. I haven’t exercised in about two weeks because it’s a chore. Cooking is a chore, thinking is a chore, life is a chore. I’m determined to not rely on influencers or other folks to motivate me. That’s too much pressure on them. I know that motivation comes and goes. Some days I want to save the world; other days I want to drink tea, eat pizza, and watch TV all day. You know… Balance.
So here I am. Thinking about the week because it’s now Sunday and tomorrow begins the work week. I can’t predict my motivation since I deal with so many different personalities due to work, home, and other personal connections. AND I’m expected to look cute, be sexy and kind, cook, clean, teach, coach, love, empathize, play, exercise, etc. You know what? I think it’s time for a nap. Anyway, no one can motivate me better than I can motivate myself. It can and will be done.